the only thing worse than lululemon wearers...

...are the bags.

someone returned a uniform in one, and I've spent the last two minutes being baffled at how someone's managed to recreate an anthony robbins motivational program on the back of a shopping bag.

Samples:
• Visualize your eventual demise. It has an amazing effect on how you live for the moment.
• Breathe: this lets you live in the moment.
• Observe a plant before and after being watered, and relate these changes to your body and brain.
• Do not use cleaning chemicals on your counters. Try vinegar and lemon juice; someone will inevitably make a sandwich on your counter.
• Dance, sing, floss, and travel.
• You ALWAYS have choice, and the conscious brain can hold only one thought at a time. (note: not true; most people can keep track of five to nine things at once.) Choose a positive thought.

now, most of these are fairly innocuous and while they seem odd on a clothing store bag, they're not full-on bizarre.
Until, of course:

• Just like you did not know what an orgasm was before you had one, nature does not let you know how great children are until you have them. Children are the orgasm of life.

did you see that?
allow me to repeat:

CHILDREN ARE THE ORGASM OF LIFE.
THE ORGASM OF LIFE IS CHILDREN.

because it needs immortalizing:

...which is so not true.

I plan on having children when I get suicidal.

Apparently they rob you of all your energy and vitality.

... huh, which is kinda like an orgasm, I guess."
Gina | Homepage | 09.15.04 - 12:44 am | #

...

I thought you were in a sorority, not retarded.

Love,
Spencer
Spencer | Email | Homepage | 09.16.04 - 1:12 am | #