April 25, 2007

so it's laundry day and I'm home alone.

thusly, I am sans pants. Don't judge, you know you'd either do it in my shoes or have done it already.

In any case, I saw the mail truck, and thought, "oh! I should go get the mail."
And promptly ran upstairs to grab my keys and head out.

I was literally one foot out the door before I remembered I wasn't wearing pants.
Faced with the decision to either put pants on or leave it until later, I opted to leave it; I remain pants- and mailless.



April 16, 2007

last night

um. wow.
last night was more than a little ridiculous.

I got out of the house on the pretenses that I had a date with a girl; her name was Sara, she was in Forestry, we weren't really sure if we wanted this to go anywhere so we'd give dinner a shot and then I was going to go out with the gang and then crash at Gav's.
What was actually going down was that I was heading to Costa's, changing, going out for the ACF Staff Dinner, and then we were going out after that.

of course, what happens after then doesn't reaaaalllly matter, and so I will relay a couple conversations I had:

"hey Gerald can you tie my tie for me? it doesn't look right."
"sure, Corbett, I'm on it."
"yes! I know a gay."
[Corbett dances]
"do you have an 'i know a gay' dance?"

[after Sarah's iron spilt water]
"Sarah! i wet your bed!"
"dammit you, didn't you do a test patch?"
"...I thought that was hair dye."
"wait, you're right."

"damnit, I hate this tie. I want a nice thick one like yours."
"don't we all."
"well, except for Sarah."
"that would explain why she puts up with you."
"actually, it's why she doesn't like me so much."

[while attempting to tie corbett's tie for him]
"okay, there's no other way for you to do this than to stand behind me and reach around."
"...you want a reach-around? stupid low mirrors make this difficult. I wonder if Sarah's room is going to be any better."
"well, let's find out. Sarah! Gerald and I are going into your room and he's going to give me a reach-around!"
"Don't wet the bed!"

"na-ked! na-ked! na-ked!"

"this jacket is so soft. I don't want to let you go!"
"makes two of us."
"no, seriously."
"I was being serious."

shortly after the above conversation, pretty much the entire room decided that they needed to stroke my jacket. It was... endearing and awkward, neatly rolled into one.

and this was all before we got to the macaroni grill; the rest of the evening is up on facebook, but here's a drink tally for posterity:

2 shots Jager
2 Liquid Cocaines
2 Mystery Citrus Tequila Shots
1 Glenfiddich 12-year old
1 Irish Car Bomb
1 Jack and Coke
1 Mystery Shot (Butterscotch Schnapps + Kahlua)

That I didn't die is a minor miracle.

Anyways, there's a Birthday the Second for all my peeps who aren't on ACF Staff (and those who want to get ridiculous again), starting at the Mongolian BBQ on Broadway and Macdonald on the 27th at 7pm and then moving either to Honey for Mod Club, the beach, or the King's Head for a joint thing with C. Anderson.
Knowing us, though, something entirely different will happen.


April 13, 2007

eesh, or possibly hoo-ah

Looking back on four previous years of post-Fair-posts, it's interesting (to me, mostly) to remember my frame of mind when writing what I did, and also to reflect on what's ended up sticking from the past four.

Also, I've now worked five Fairs. Jesus.
All five have been on or heavily involved with ProdComm.
Two were spent on Upper Plaza (on a stage that no longer exists.)
One was backstage, running PMO.
Two were up in Control.
All five have had me wanting to be down on the field taking care of things as they occurred at some point during the day.

Two (point five; the year I did PMO I took some Control stuff off of Ari's hands) have been on Exec.
Three have been without my parent's knowledge or consent, which boggles my mind; why is it okay to spend the day drinking and the next day hung over and playing video games (as was this year's excuse) but to run the show and help with takedown (ie, what I was actually doing) is verboten? Whatever.

In any case, a list of ten conversations I had either on the day of, on the field, or in pre-Fair meetings and such:

  1. "Corbett to Control."
    "Go for Control."
    "I found a newt."
    "Like, a salamander newt newt?"
    "That's affirmative."
    "I, uh... wow."

  2. "Costa to Control, radio check."
    "Loud and clear, Costa."
    "Corbett to all staff: Red card!!"
    sidenote: see here

  3. "Hi Mom. Yeah, I'm having fun. No, I haven't had too much to drink. I've been getting lots of water. After this? Probably to Graham's; that guitar game of his is pretty fun. Yes, I'll call before bed."

  4. Bock: "I'm Gerald. Blah blah blah I like men. Blah blah blah threats."
    Gerald: "I'm Ian Bock. Blah blah blah I'm tall. Blah blah blah I quote Family Guy."
    Gerald: "We may as well complete the trio. I'm Tyler. Blah blah blah I've absorbed Corbett's bitterness and Gerald's vulgarity."
    Tyler: "Holy shit you're right! How did that happen?"
    Gerald: "Osmosis."
    Ian: "I can't get the gay that way, right?"
    Gerald: "No, but we have shared drinks before..."
    Ian: "Aw, fuck.

  5. "Seriously, dude, what happened with this weather? What the hell did Tyler do?"
    "I dunno... but I'm gonna cut their dick off when I find out."
    "Uh... Corbett? Tyler's straight."
    "Yeah, but it's fucking snowing in April. He must of gotten into some seriously kinky shit."
    "Like what? Taking my humps too seriously and boning a camel?"

  6. "What the fuck do you mean did I bone a camel? I've never fucking seen a camel in my life!"
    "Look, T-Bone, all I'm saying is that it's snowing in April. I don't know what you got up to, but don't do it again."
    "I. Didn't. Fuck. A Camel."

  7. "What do you mean Corbett would break me? I'm bigger than he is!"
    "Alright, Bock, let's put it this way. You're a husky; big and friendly and fun and probably good at pulling sleds in Alaska..."
    "Yeah, definitely that last one."
    "...but he's a badger, and if we were to say, stick you in a barrel as the metaphorical representation of your post-chloroform marriage, he's way more tenacious than you are and he has claws. And he's angry. Yeah, you're bigger but that doesn't matter to him."
    "Well, now that you put it that way, I'm a little afraid of him."

  8. "You sir, are cruising for a defenestration."
    "What does that even mean?"
    "I will push you out the window."
    "Oh. In that case, I'll be on the field from now on. Far away from windows."

  9. "Get that niggerfaggot out of here!"
    "Sarah. Jesus Christ, Sarah! What is wrong with you?! What if there were niggerfaggots around? How do you think they would feel? Seriously, you awful awful person."

  10. "Die in a fire."

  11. bonuses!
  12. "I love when people conform to stereotypes."
    "What do you mean?"
    "Turns out that the media guy was talking shit about me to anyone who would listen... including my assistant. It's a fag move."
    "Yeah. Wow. That's pretty bad; I mean... I can't say it but I agree with you."

  13. "Breaker Breaker this is Sam Roberts to Control."
    "Go for Control, Sam."
    "Hey, just wanted to say thanks for all your hard work; you guys did a great job and I had an awesome time."
    "It was a pleasure to have you, Sam; you rocked the crowd pretty hard and it was a solid set."
    "Thanks, buddy. You take care. Over and out."
    "That's a big 10-4, Sam."

It's these silly one-off one liners and awful trash talking that I tend to take away from this; the experience and the relationships and the conversations re: being weirded out when Graham hugs you are also valuable, but it's the fact that I can walk up to about two thirds of the staff and drop "I heard what you said." and bring on endless fits of giggling is great.

It also occurs to me that I didn't touch on how awesome the staff is, the fact that I have nicknamed Virginia's little sister Balls (nickname and callsign.), matching aviators for A-Team that were then adopted by roughly half the girls on staff, the fact that John Hallen now knows my name, a first year that makes me look like a rank amateur when it comes to unflappability, and the fact that I apparently terrify people without meaning to.

Come find me, people; these stories require in-person transmissions.


April 05, 2007

point form

- didn't get little sister's job. Dunno if it was because I don't know ASP or I wasn't gay enough.
- shoe store sucks. manager had boxes dropped on her, was concussed. now that I think about it, it's a hugely unsafe workplace and I want out.
- ACF is about to take over. My parents either don't know, or haven't let on that they do. I'm either a spectacular liar, my parents are really that oblivious, or they're even better liars than I am.
- I wrote a safety plan. A full blown fucking safety plan, and yet I still can't tell them.
- Asking people what they want is a bad idea.