May 24, 2003

I hate Indian weddings.

Marriage is wonderful, yes, but the inevitable stupidity that results from it make my head spin (figuratively).
So much so, in fact, that I started keeping a list of Laws of Indian Weddings just to keep myself amused.

1. Law of Ridiculous Family Size
When inviting people to your wedding, you must also include everyone they know, even if you don't know their names.

1a. Addendum
You don't invite people to your wedding. A crack team, led by your mother and aunts, sit around for half a day remembering [obscure cousin's] mother-in-law's sister's husband's brother's friends name, so that they can invite them.

2. Law of Inverse Simplicity
No matter how simple a task seems, it will become mind numbingly complex.
ex: the wedding I was at last night had three different sets of party favors - one set for tables at the front, one for tables at the back, and candles for people with gifts.

3. Law of Endless Workloads
The more you have to do, the more you are given to do.

4. The Celebrity Rule
The less you are seen, the more people want to see you.

5. The Law of Inverse Ability
The better you are at something, the less likely you are to do said thing.

6. The Lost Children Law
Whenever you really, really have to be somewhere/do something, someone's child will be lost, and approach you for help.

6a. The Vomit Addendum
If your clothes are new or difficult to clean, chances are you will get vomited on while attempting to help said children.

6b. The Parent Addendum
Once the child is returned to its parents, they will be far too busy berating the child to thank you, let alone acknowledge your existence.

7. Indian Standard Time
No matter what time you write down, the majority of people will show up one to two hours later.

7a. People You Don't Like Addendum
People you don't like, however, will be on time, and annoyingly helpful, making you like them less, so that they show up earlier the next time.

that's all for now - post more in the comments if you can think of 'em.

No comments: