March 05, 2008

Project Unfuck

I wanted an easy way out; some sort of colossal "Unfuck My Head" that would basically set things up so I could knock them down again - no panicking, no nonstarter status, no endless feelings being trapped by myself.

I got the first one, at least. As for the others, I came to realize that there might be more to this than I thought at first. There's no telling without visiting a proper shrink and getting a proper diagnosis as to whether I am just an enormous underachiever or if it's ADHD or something equally buzzwordy and ridiculous.

It came with a healthy dose of side effect, both physically (metabolism down, weird cravings up) and mentally (weird things to sex drive, no creativity) and generally wreaked havoc, with the only upside being that I felt in control of myself, again.

So I stopped. Tapered down, and realized that I spent a year and a half on pills that were helpful, but not a cure-all (though they were explained to me as such) and also that I needed to do this the hard way.

...which brings us here.

This marks a beginning, I think, of several things. The first of which is the abandonment of the mild superstition I have of writing things down here, because then they don't happen. The second is a concerted effort to make shorter-term goals and deadlines that are within a longer-term framework; I tend to do one without the other, which curtails effectiveness.

    The Longish Term Goals (end of year)
  1. Lose the gut. Get back down to a 32

  2. Get back into school, kick its ass.

  3. Derive sole income from web, photography, and concert production work

  4. Restart sensible savings plan

  5. Clear out personal debt

  6. Get back money I am owed (by insurance, mostly)

    This month's short term goals:
  1. Take meals to work

  2. No more refined flour or sugar

  3. Go to gym.

  4. Finish off current distance ed classes, figure out next 9 credits thereafter

  5. Put up portfolio site, get business cards made, finish pro bono projects

  6. Move GTFO money into high-interest savings account

  7. Write (and stick to) budget.

  8. Get forms and receipts for sending off, send off.

wish me luck.

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